Hard to swallow

Saturday was a great day, we had a party for Parker's birthday. Everyone had a great time. The day just flew by and then it was Sunday, i decided to check some blogs, and there on my aunts blog was a tribute to him.
I forgot, I'm not sure how i forgot, i guess it was a busy day, but there is no good excuse. Its been two years since my dad past away. And when i think of him and the time we spent together and the time we didn't, its pretty hard to swallow. I don't like to cry, but i cant help it today. I never again want to lose someone on my life that I'm no sure knows how much i love them. I think of my dad alot, maybe not everyday, but alot. I love to listen to Metalica or watch movies that he left behind. I have a really big pocket knife in my craft closet, i cant help but pull it out all the time, its the one i remember him using the most. I'm so sad that my kids will never remember him, Emma does, but only a little. Parker will never know the man he is named after and that brakes my heart. Cate will never know the man who i think she would have bonded with easily, they have the same ability to get into trouble. I cant thank my Amy enough for giving a part of herself to give my dad a few more years. I wish i could have known it would only be a few years, then i would have tried harder, i would have spent more time, i would have said i love you alittle more. Now the only thing i have is memories and pictures, and i share them with my kids in hopes that the day they meet him again, they will recognize him. And to the people far from me, i love you and i think of you often. I love Fresno, I love Bakersfield, i love payson, i love Riverton, I love st. George, i love San Diego, i love Boise, i love salt lake, i love farmington and I LOVE CHICO!!!